JENNIFER ANISTON…….AGAIN!!!

still bang-able though!

Is it just me or is everyone else tired of Jennifer Aniston making the same movies over and over again? Even as far back as 2004 it’s been the same boy meets girl and eventually falls in love or some variation or another. What I still don’t understand is, who even finances these movies?

Let’s backtrack for a minute,  “Along came Polly” in 2004, “Rumor has it” in 2005, “The break up” in 2006, “Marley and me” in 2008, “He’s just not that into you” in 2009, “Love happens” in 2009, “The Bounty Hunter” in 2010, “The Switch” in 2010, “Just go with it” in 2011…..Need I say more?

I bet you she doesn’t even get a script anymore all she does is show up and do the same old thing, make the same old faces, collects her paycheck and move on to the next movie.

Yeah! Yeah! I know the whole man and woman storyline is the basis for every romantic comedy ever made, but fact is Jennifer Aniston never does anything else! It could be that she has decided to stick to what she knows how to do best or maybe she’s just glad to be the only “Friends” star still relevant, but her movies have been bombing in recent times and if she doesn’t step it up a notch and throw a little diversity into it, I see her playing cribbage with Lisa Kudrow in a couple of years

In an interview I saw a few years back, a producer said nobody in the business comes to her with any other type of script and if she wants to make a different type of movie she would have to do it herself. Ok. Fast forward to 2010. She was the Executive producer for “The Switch”: remember that one? The Sperm movie, and it was the same old story. What’s funny is, the whole “I want a baby” she’s been crying for years didn’t even make the movie do any better at the box office. Fact is in reality there is something very wrong about someone playing romantic comedies over and over again and yet stays single, not to mention the nasty breakups and I am sure we would never know what kind of person she really is until someone dies. By someone I mean Brad Pitt, John Mayer or Jennifer herself and a tell all book is made...I digress

At this point I’ll settle for anything to tell her characters apart, change her hair color, act poor, stop wearing the same clothes from friends, anything really, be a lesbian for all I care. I just need to be able to say “this was what she did in this movie” and not have all her movies feel like a continuous speech in my head.

Anyways, she’s 42, so she would need to start making good movies and fast too because she’s getting very played out and it would suck if all she’s remembered for is friends and being married to Brad Pitt cos trust me, every day some air headed 21 year old blond takes the bus from Idaho to Hollywood with dreams to make it big so there’s no shortage of females to fill her shoes.

@ KatherineHiegl you had better read this article and watch your back, you are already headed down that slippery slope with all the baby movies you have decided is your gift to hollywood!

Facial Tattoos

OMW! I just saw a girl with a jaw dropping tattoo on her FACE! What are you young people thinking these days? What is with the whole tattoo thing?

Just so we are clear. I think tattoos are cool to an extent. In my opinion tattoos in places where they cannot be visibly seen is perfectly fine. Even sleeves look cool on some people. But if I say I am not totally hating the face tattoo thing I would be lying. Back when Tyson got one everybody thought he was crazy, now he looks like the most sane one of the bunch!

Saw an interview with Gucci Mane 2 days ago, and he was asked about his ice cream cone with 3 scoops and a thunderbolt tattoo on his face. Guess what he said? “Oh you know men, It symbolizes that I am the coldest MC in the game and the thunderbolt is to draw more attention to it” and the interviewer said you are a very smart guy. What’s worse the dum ass didn’t know she was being sarcastic. Or maybe he didn’t care.

Some people would argue that as an entertainer you can do something like that and get away with it. Wrong, with a face tattoo, when you walk into a building or a meeting or whatever, regardless of what you are there for. You have already branded yourself as an artiste and that’s that. It’s like saying “music is all I do, music is all I know” No one would be willing to discuss a merger or a big money endorsement with an ice cream cone on your face! Or a duck with a mike tattooed on your face.

When I hear people saying “o JayZ should retire, he’s too old for this music shit” I’m like, “shut up fool” Jigga actually planned to stay relevant this long. The whole business is a dance; you have to be able to fit in some certain circles to be able to achieve some goals. Get some shit done. That’s one reason I admire the nearly defunct 50cent, he’s the only artiste I can see so far that can reach JayZ or Diddy heights.

Let’s keep it real, even Lil Wayne would be all but washed out in 5 maybe 6 years from now. Max 10. Then what? I would really love to find out. Most these people have bankruptcy in their nearest future. why do you think most these guys don’t pay their taxes. They don’t have any other marketable skills and when that one thing you got is time sensitive, you are fucked if a mere tattoo becomes an hindrance to you diversifying when you grow older and your music is no longer relevant, oh! But wait! You are already in a high tax bracket. Ill love to see you come up with your taxes let alone feed.

For those who are not even in anyway, remotely associated with show-biz and have face tattoos…you fuck up! Big time. It’s too late for you really. There’s nothing left for you to do. Oh asides getting a meager pay job and living from paycheck to paycheck. So let’s say you tattoo dollar signs on your face and you end up working in Burger king. You are definitely swimming in the money now! Where are you ever going to see those dollars? It makes no sense when I see young people in “college” with face tattoos or obscene tattoos in very obvious places. “why bother going to college? You are never going to get a job anyways”

Don’t stress. Just go home and wait for your unemployment benefits

Below are the worst facial tattoos you would ever see.

GHOSTS!!!

Ghosts? Idol?.... Whats the connection here? Am I missing something?

Well if your shows ratings have been dwindling over the years and you really don’t know what to do to make people talk about your show again, just come up with some randomness.. Trust me it works everytime!

Last week several of the Idol people or wannabe Idols said they saw a white bed sheet float off a bed and down a hall and they were so freaked out they demanded to be moved plus the rains on Sunday didn’t help matters anyways, with the roof leaking and all.

But heres what I think, Maybe some of the wannabes had been smoking hash hish (don’t quote me oh) and started seeing things (as is normal) maybe it wasn’t just a plan by the producers for better ratings. (Picture Steve Tyler in a bed sheet running like crazy or like gay-ly down the hall. ewww!) but the producers rode the wave, caught a few fishes in the sea and made lunch out of it.

 Really ghosts? Come up with something else people..like cancelling the show maybe? To me the only good thing to come out of the Idols in recent times is JLo’s revamped career. Now she’s on TV doing commercials and making music again. She’s even dropping album pretty soon. -So for that the idols weren’t a total waste.

Anyways, the contestants have been moved to an undisclosed location and all is fine in the land. Except of course Steve Tyler!

Enough Already!!!!

Hello World!

Been a couple of days since I was on here, mouthing off about something or another. Life happened I guess. Did you miss me? I know I did! Lol

Earlier today I was watching the Goodmorning America show and Chris brown was being interviewed as part of the promotion drive for his album, and despite the fact that I am not a Chris Brown fan and all that I still respect the dude and the uphill battle he has fought to put all that RiRi-ism behind him. But alas! Some people don’t feel the same way as I do to be specific Robin Roberts who was the Interviewer and all Chris Brown haters out there.

Let’s get real people, hasn’t this young man being punished enough. Worst things have happened for God sake! Can we all agree to forget the about the whole “take this punch(s) b***h you gave me herpes” situation? He’s put an album out, which he has repeated time and time again is strictly for his fans. If you are not then just let him be. Geez!!

Not surprisingly Breezy feels the same way, On the interview set the dumb axx lady hosting the show kept trying to steer the conversation towards the whole “take this punch(s) b***h you gave me herpes” situation, while breezy was trying but obviously failing to steer the conversation back to the album.

Chris got to his breaking point and replied in a very agitated tone of voice and went on to say, "I've been focusing on this album. I think this album is what I want people to hear and want people to really get into," Brown said, attempting to redirect the interview. "Definitely this album is what I want to talk about and not what happened two years ago."

The story continues that after the interview he went into a violent rage in the dressing room and smashed quite a few items, including a mirror which sent glass raining down the 43^rd floor and security had to be alerted.

What I don’t understand is why do black people get picked on in situations like this? Yes I said it BLACK people. Case in point Kanye West! He had an out of body situation with Taylor swift and no one has gotten over it ever since. Regardless of what the interview is or with whoever it still gets brought up.

I don’t see anyone boycotting Lindsey Lohan, Charlie Sheen is still selling out shows. Did Chris do anything crazier? NO! yeah he beat a lady up . I am not condoning that but he’s done his time. Even the judge agrees so let’s just focus on the talent and not what happened 2 years ago. I know that lame @rihanaNavy on twitter would have a problem with this but deal with it. Lessons have been learnt, his previous album was shunned, bro man didn’t get any radio play whatsoever. ENOUGH!!!!!!

Enjoy the album, and if you don’t like Chris Brown or have a problem with the whole “take this punch(s) b***h you gave me herpes” situation, then don’t invite him to your show, don’t follow him on twitter, don’t listen to his songs, don’t click on Chris Brown articles ENOUGH!!!

Plus until RiRi convinces me otherwise I still stick by my story that it was just BDSM gone wrong! Maybe she forgot the safe word! LMAO.

In other news, as bad as you all say Rebecca Black’s Friday song is, she’s made over 1 Million USD from iTunes and over 25,000USD off YouTube ad revenue sharing, so you might want to think again before saying something mean about the crappy song. Note that I don’t think it deserves an article or my time or day but a million bucks? Ok maybe I should hook her up with .

What do you think?

The KoKo-Master!

As a rule I always refrain from talking about politics of anything political, not for lack of what to say but just because if you get me started I would probably not shut up. But in a situation where showbiz and politics are having extra-marital affairs, I think I can be allowed this one.

So here I was yesterday online hearing news that our very own D’banj was hosting an interview with the “lucky” Goodluck Jonathan.

The first thought that came to my head was, “what does D’banj have upstairs for petes sake?” It’s funny that of all the intellectual and smart people in the world Goodluck and his team could only pick D’banj to host that interview. I am guessing it was “a well thought out move to reach the Nigerian youth” errr #Fail much?

Was the problem that no one else wanted the job? Or was it a deliberate effort to pick someone so dumbed-down that all that would have really mattered?. I would have loved to say “no offense D’banj” but seriously u should actually take offense. You should be ashamed that you were the one singled out to do that interview.

Goodluck: “Patience honey, let’s get someone who is popular but not very smart or opinionated or intellectual and has some youth following”

Patience: Ah D’bansh will do hit! He is the perfect youth outreash for our umblerra” #epic Fail

I am sure a million and one people would agree with me when I say there is little or no difference between d’banj and Terry G. Don’t think for one second though that I am not a big fan of D’banj, I would be the first to admit he has made some hit songs and he’s got that midas touch and he’s one of the biggest artistes in Africa right now but D’banj? Politics? What a joke!

Whatever happened to the debate that was supposed to be hosted by Chimamanda anyways? Oh yeah I remember Goodluck said he was too busy campaigning or was it that he wanted to see the questions first. Even Gadaffi can’t be so lame!

Watching snippets of the interview online, it’s concluded that Goodluck Jonathan is like a man in way over his head. He is obviously out of touch with the average Nigerian youth and doing a hurriedly put together Interview with Dbanj just confirmed that.

All D’banj did was nod and smile sheepishly as Jonathan’s uninformed answers. Glad or maybe awed to be in the presence of dignitary. Shame on you. Thank God for Twitter and Facebook and all other social media outlets cos God knows people needed to vent last night! And both D’banj and Don Jazzy were not spared.

Come to find out from the debate that Jonathan/PDP is actually sponsoring the KoKo concert which convineiently, is held on the same day as the proposed presidential debate. If this is not a sell out then I don’t know what it is.

It just confirms what I have always believed that Nigeria’s problem is not with the older generation alone. It’s so deep-rooted that anybody and I mean anybody would sell out as quickly as a Kuramo beach whore as soon as the cash is flashed.

Another thought that crossed my mind was, as futile as Goodluck’s effort might seem, it might have actually worked. Remember there’s a larger population of people who still fall into the youth category, who do not have a blackberry or access to the internet, the conductor and street urchin and market woman who I can assure you know most every D’banj’s song and could care less if the interview was lame or not as long as they got to see D’banj and his sunglasses on TV.

What’s funny is regardless of how badly you might think this might affect D’banj’s PR, it’s really nothing at all. He’s got an album coming soon, he’s fresh off his remix with Hip hop legend Snoop Dogg and he’s DEFINITELY smiling to the bank after yesterday’s “performance”

As for Goodluck, all I can say is keep putting nail after nail in your coffin! Just keep hammering away. Keep letting Patience-like people on your campaign team very soon your umblerra will be blown away by the wind of change. Bye!

F.A.M.E Review.....Shhhhsshhh

Last weekend, not long after Chris Browns nude pics leaked online, he took to twitter again to say his album was leaked.

The album titled F.A.M.E, which means Forgiving All My Enemies or Fans Are My Everything (Please Make up your mind Chris) was scheduled to drop on the 22^nd of March but a quick search on lime wire or any torrent site would turn up major hits for the album download. Totally sucks!

I am not Chris Brown’s biggest fan by any means, but if it’s one thing I have come to appreciate its people with true talent regardless of whatever genre of music it is, and I always try my best to support them. So I was disappointed when I heard about the leak.

Never the less Curiosity got the better of me and I decided to get a copy of the album last night. To be more politically correct I would rather say I got “an exclusive first listen” of the album!

My first issue is the Album cover; "Chris what is this?" "You look like a very active wife beater" geez! anything else would have been better #Fail

The album was written in almost all its entirety by Breezy and produced my Kevin McCall, Tha Bizness, DJ Frank E and a host of others. Features by Lil Wayne, nearly washed up Busta Rhymes, Wiz Khalifa, Justin Bieber and Ludacris help make the album worth listening to.

Grammy nominated “Deuces” is the perfect opener for the 18 track album and no one can deny this track is a total street banger. Thumbs up to Tyga and Kevin McCall for holding their own on the track.

“Up to you” which is the next track is Chris at his finest. The track sounds like something usher would have been at home on. It’s another breakup song though, but then again aren’t all RnB songs about break ups or true love. Lovely track though has a nice old school vibe that RnB heads (if there’s anything like that) would enjoy.

No bull S*** keeps up with the slow jams vibe of the previous track and its so 90’s, it sounds like Jodeci was on there. Not one of my favorite tracks though but it was superbly produced and its what I would call “sex me up music” enough said!

"Look at Me Now" ups the tempo with Chris brown at his braggadocious best, and features Breezy rapping about his all too popular d***. Not to mention Busta Rhymes and Lil wayne going in hard. Diplo and Afrojack produced the track but honestly it had Timberland written all over it. The video dropped sometime last week and it wasn’t bad at all.

Michael Jackson’s “human nature” was sampled on the next track “ She Aint You”. Ill say it’s a tribute to the King of pop and he really did it justice. We already knew he could cover Michael near perfectly so no surprise here.

My favorite track so far is “Say It With Me’’. It’s got that Justin Timberlake feel, with the high pitch chorus and Breezy is back to rapping and he was quite decent. Truth be told the beat sold the track though and I imagine this being a radio hit and a club favorite with people cutting weird shapes onto the dance floor.

Something for Breezy’s fans in faraway Europe. “Yeah 3x” , is an all-out pop song. With absolutely no content on the chorus or what so ever but guaranteed to make you dance period. It’s already been topping charts in Europe with its catchy Electro feel and sing along lyrics. Smart move man!

Chris and the one with the golden hair; Justin Beiber do a call and response number with “Next 2 You”. I have to say it’s a little weird for two “straight” guys to sing a call and response type song. Whatever happened to all the other female RnB artistes out there?? but maybe it’s just me not liking the Biebs I don’t know. Don’t get me wrong though it’s a good song…errr not for me though.

Classic Breezy on “All back” Here he sings about lost love and all that other mushy stuff. The chorus on here is so powerful! This is simply Chris brown showing off his vocals. I am totally impressed. It would make my day to see a rock/alternative version of this track. It’s definitely going on my playlist.

Luda! That’s all I can say to this next one. You know how the MC does those “sex you” type music and the track is rightly titled “Wet the Bed”. The track is complete with females groaning and moaning in the background. Christian sisters should probably skip this on..Just saying.

What stands out on the next track titled “Oh My Love” is the chorus, it sounds so familiar yet I can’t place it. Oh and yes Breezy is rapping again. The beat is catchy and has some euro-pop feel. Would love to see a remix of this one with maybe Big Sean.

“Should Have Kissed You” sounds easy on the ears and here Chris sings about a girl he should have kissed. Definitely a track for the beiber-esqe fans out there. The claps infused in the beat would make a lot of fun at concerts (not that I would be attending a Chris Brown concert). What strikes me though, is how you can base a song on a girl you should have kissed. Smh.

Ok.so I am not really sure Chris brown was the person on “Beautiful people”. The tracks already lined up to be his next single. And I am sure a lot of people would agree that this track is totally left field. Its one thing to make a pop song but it’s another to make a POP song! Just think Ibiza! Explanations Chris??

Now on to Reggae! Chris teamed up with Wiz Khalifa to make the track “Bomb”. I am still wondering if the songs about bomb or bom-bom. Curiously though it’s got undertones of Lil wayne’s 6 foot 7. I don’t know what the plan was here. I am not feeling Wiz so… Yawn! Lest I forget, “Chris what’s with all the rapping? Remember what happened to Tyrese?

“Love them Girls” features The Game, and is very hiphop inspired. The Game delivers a very Gritty sinister verse that hes known for.Thankfully though he leaves the rapping to the Game phew!

Timberland finally shows face on “Paper, Scissors, Rock”. Its your usual Timberland number. Not really feeling it right now. But rest assured it would grow on you after a little while. But seriously why title a track Paper scissors Rock? *Sighs*

“Beg for It” closes the album.. Yes you guessed right it’s about a girl and making love and all that, as is  half the songs on the album. Nothing memorable here. Yawn

With all the drama he’s got going on, including but not limited to nude pics, twitter rants and the Sisquo look and all that, I wasn’t expecting a fantastic album, so I can say I was impressed. Is it his best? Definitely no! Some very decent songs on the album. A couple of radio hits and potential singles on there but the fact is he’s not gotten back to where he was before Rihanna stole his mojo!

I agree though that he’s apologized enough. Geez people give a N***a a break people have done worse things just ask Charlie Sheen!

I would say 2.5 stars on this one joor!

# Random…. Is it just me or isn’t it weird that Chris has hardly done anything with any female artiste for a good minute? Hmmmm I wonder why?

NUDE AGAIN!!!

Hey all, another week another drama, Vanessa Hudgens nude pictures leaked online…again.

This makes it the 3^rd time it’s happening and it makes you wonder if it’s an accident or some publicity thing. I mean if you want to make porn be my guest! Don’t leak nude pictures online and then cry wolf about being hacked a few days later!

These pics are about the most graphic yet. I am sorry I can’t put it on here because I just read her lawyers are coming after any blog or website that posted them. BUT I can describe very vividly what the pictures looked like.

First off I would like to point out that since these images were not super high quality images it is yet to be confirmed if its Vanessa or not *coughs* but I am sure all the time I spent watching the Disney channel courtesy of my lovely younger sister is not a total waste

The picture includes and is not limited to: Vanessa starring dead on into her cell phone lens totally nude from the waist up, striking a (very sexy if I might add) pose whilst biting her lips,  Vanessa Hudgens grabbing on her boobs and pouting her lips, Vanessa Hudgens kissing some other chic who looks very much like Alexa Nikolas from Nickelodeon and I mean full on let’s get freaky type of kiss and *Drum roll please* Vanessa busting it wide open! And I mean wide open, showing us the big C and all. In this one you can see every nook and cranny of her pinkness. Smh

What’s the world coming to you you ask? Well this might just be my conspiracy theory side acting out, but why is it these pics of Vanessa Hudgens always hit the net right before she drops a movie or starts a new project? Her new movie; “Sucker Punch” drops later this month and if this is not a publicity stunt then  i am the president of America.

As for taking the pictures in the first place, Vanessa says she has learnt her lesson. (Where have I heard that before) I’m pretty sure we would be gifted with an even racier one in no time

On a serious tip though, Nude pics are cool but, people keep it on the down low, these things are not like hard copies that get lost with time. They float around on the web forever. You never know when it would come bite you in the butt…But then again you never know when it would come in handy just ask Kim K.

P.S hit mediatakeout.com for some of the pics! Or hit me up on twitter @blogblogaboutit

21st Century Girl

Im pretty sure everyone knows who Willow Smith is. Not unless you live under a rock!

Whip my Hair was an amazing song and the video was totally fun and i must say i actually enjoyed it.

Fast forward to 21st century Girl: Wait a minute who's video is this? The video opens with some creppy old voodoo looking lady making some funny sounds and some other weird gibberish then the ground opening up and willow smith crawling out of a hole in the ground. errr..isn’t willow smith 10?

i can understand if Rihanna does a video like this or maybe Janet Jackson. I mean people of their demographic can relate to that. But a 10 year old? It doesn’t even make any sense.

First off who’s her target audience? Other 8-14 year olds? How are they supposed to relate to lyrics like "Gimme an inch I promise I’ll take a mile / Danger is beauty I’ll face it with a smile / I’m on a mission with no restrictions / don’t second guess myself, I’m born to be wild.  Or “im the type of girl who knocks you off your feet” Not to even mention that border-line PG 13 video!

Secondly, what exactly are Papa and Mama Smith doing? Shouldn’t she be in school learning and growing up? I am not against child stars and all but there’s a reason they are called child stars…they do “child” things!

Lastly who is in charge of her wardrobe? My God! She’s like a Gypsy half the time. The other half she looks like  Ke$ha’s protégée.

It’s sad that she’s getting sucked into all this murk, just make fun, young, fresh music-a-la-Bieber and move on from there

Jay- Z seriously…what’s the end game here?

Watch the video below and see for yourself, maybe I am just old school. smh

L.A.S.E.R.S - Love Always Shines Everytime Remember 2 Smile

Hip-Hop is back y’all!!

Lupe Fiasco’s most recent body of work since 2007 finally hit shelves on the 8^th of March and I have to say the album LASERS is nothing short of amazing

One of the biggest problems in rap or should I say music in general is consistency and even the best of them have struggled to remain consistent but Lupe has proven that he can stick to his true musical roots and ideas and non-conformist music and I must admit it's a HUGE step for hip hop.

When I first heard the “The show goes on”, which was one of the first singles on  the album, it reminded me of Modest Mouse “Float On” but on steroids, and since then I have been eagerly waiting for the album

I would admit that this is not your regular rap album, rather is a good music album - that’s the best way to describe it. It’s a trip into the mind of the person Lupe has become now and you can almost relate to every single track on there. I know I did!

Some people might say the album is a compilation of top 10 radio singles. In truth every single song on there is Radio single material, but from what we know so far about rap music is; its either you make Nas type albums that’s hardcore and move a small amount of units or you make. Flo-Rida type music,  and move massive units.

What Lupe did here was merge both Schools of rap music, and that’s what makes the album so unique. Thumbs up Lupe.

2 of my favorite tracks are "Words I Never Said" and State Run Radio"

On "Words I Never Said", Lupe goes “if you turn your TV on, all you see is a bunch of what the Fucks, Dude is dating so and so, blabbering about such and such and that ain’t jersey shore, homie that’s the news”

The track “State Run Radio”,is so reminiscent of all the things i hate about new music. Lupe talks about dumb songs on the radio with repetitive hooks and all, without any message. With lines like "Believe the lies you learned in your class, that’s there’s no treasure in your trash, and the ceiling has the same feeling that the floor has and that’s where you should stay, this is what they play”

The album has features from John Legend, Sway, Trey Songz, Skylar Grey and MDMA. Even though I don’t understand why MDMA had to be on 3 songs but I would let that slide because all 3 songs that featured MDMA had 3 very distinct feels

Regardless of the fact that the album was SERIOUSLY hyped, ( My TL was filled with #LASERS and @lupefiasco famzing) it’s great to see good music being  hyped for once.

 Peeps, one of the best albums of 2011 so far. LASERS is shorter, brighter and — most admirably — more optimistic" than his previous album The Cool.

Its currently number one on itunes and I am pretty sure it would be up there for a while.

Let me know what you think

P.S please buy the album and don’t Boot-legg. If I can do it I know you can! *Smirk*

WHAT'S HAPPENING?

heavily photo-shopped!

First off I would like to thank everyone who takes time out to read my rants and raves on here and my opinion about any and everything. Thanks. Thanks. Thanks

It’s been quite a few days since I have posted anything on here and believe me I have been itching to post something about all that’s been going on so far but sadly my PC decided to take a bow. But I’m back so it’s all good.

I have decided to cram all that’s been going on  into one post. Here we go!

A few days ago there were rumors online that Majela; the vagina queen was auditioning for x- factor! For those who don’t know Majela, just do a YouTube search for “Queen of gene-talia” and you would be thoroughly educated on the vagina and all other nether region anatomy by way of song and dance. P.S please ensure your young ones/kids and folks are out of the room before running said search.  Anyways, it turns out it’s actually not a rumor, she’s actually auditioning. Click here to watch the audition video. Even the reporter who did the brief interview had to do a runner when the Queen of gene-talia broke into song.  I do not know if this Majela is female or just a guy in drag. I do not know if she is kidding or this is actually a career path for her. I do not know where on God good earth she resides. But one thing I do know is that Simon Cowell would have a filled day with this one. I can already imagine the look on his face. Talk about chasing your dreams.

In other news, Charlie sheen is getting crazier by the day. At this point I don’t know if I should find this funny or worry about the dude. To be honest it was funny when it first started out but right now it’s just scary. Watching his recent U-stream appearances he seems like a man whose losing his grip on reality.

How can you keep chanting winning! Winning! , when you have lost custody of your kids? When everyone thinks you are going bonkers?  And what’s with all the Goddess talk? Is it a sister wife situation? Not to mention the hobos he’s decided to surround himself with. Another thing that surprises me is his never ending river of quotes: “I am a high priest Vatican assassin warlock” “if you are not in sheens corner you are with the trolls” I'm tired of pretending I'm not a total freaking rock star from Mars” and the most recent; “An apol”. According to Charlie it means a half apology. God save us! As at Wednesday afternoon he’s garnered over 2.4 million followers on twitter and this has done nothing but increase twitter’s overall market value. Look out for Google or Microsoft making an offer soon. I am watching to see how the sheen-tuation gets resolved. Till then I would sip some tiger blood and keep watching U- stream. #winning.

Remember when I said Gwyneth Paltrow might decide to pursue a music career? Well you can call me Paul the octopus because I was right. The lip-synching/ miming diva has apparently snagged a recording deal with Atlantic records. At least the country movie and Grammy and Oscar performances did not go to waste. The deal is reportedly worth a whopping $900,000. Although,there are reports that she's not signed the deal yet, but we all know it’s all about waiting for the right opportunity to make the announcement. My take? Anything, I mean anything is better than Kim Kardarshian!

The internet was taken over sometime last week by Chris brown, this time not for beating up anyone sadly or should I say gladly. Well, his ex GF apparently leaked nude pictures of him, schlong and all, to some website. Even though the pic was more tasteful than Wande Coal’s *coughs*. It was still shocking,  considering how he recently decided to do “a Sisquo” with is hair. Makes you wonder though; what is it with blonde hair and nudity? Name any blonde and I am pretty sure there’s a nude pic or two floating around somewhere. Don’t get me wrong I think he’s got talent and I am not one of the Chris brown bashers, but dude! Just when we it seemed like you were getting your act together, you went and did this! #epic fail

In other related #fails, Lindsey Lohan or LiLo as she is popularly known would need nothing short of a miracle the magnitude of The feeding of the 5000, to get out of serving jail time. It looks like the Grand Theft charges finally stuck and her host of lawyers couldn’t secure a plea deal. So the one time child star is looking at a minimum of 6 months. Would keep you posted when the sentencing is done tomorrow. I wonder though, would jail time really change anything or make a difference in her lifestyle? But then again I think she should do time though, even if it’s just to restore some faith in the LA judicial system.

Still waiting to see where Mel-TDOWN Gibson ends up!

Cya.

Jam (Turn it Up) #FAIL!

Kim kardashian released a new single sometime this week. Yes! The same one in the sex tape with ray j, yes! The same one who posed nude for play boy then cried that she didn’t know she would be nude in the photos..err bright much?  Its "play boy” Yes!

Like a billion other people in the world, I never expected the song to be worth the bird shit on my windshield but out of curiosity, like many of you who listened  to the song, I decided to give it a listen.

The result? Pain and suffering! Damn Kim?  What was the plan? Cause worldwide eye gouging? Im pretty sure everyone knows how much I hate reality tv and their “stars” but listening to that song spurned a new level of hate.

There are 5 people to blame for Kim’s new f**k up:

Ciara: (The Initiator), Not that she is any more relevant than Terry G at a CCNA conference, but I assumed she would have some sense and not go around spreading false hope. Apparently she told Kim that The Dream was anxious to work with her. Whilst Kim had her doubts, she convinced her that it was about the experience and expressing herself through music? Does she even know what pop music means? You want to express yourself, get a blog, a diary, anythingSmh. Now we are stuck with the ear-homicidal music that makes me envy deaf people. Shame on you Ciara

The Dream: (The facilitator), Dude do you even know what thin ice you are walking on in the R n B community?  With your beady eyes, and natural auto tune voice. Why would you lie to Kim for petes sake? If you wanted to bag her you should have asked Ray J how. He didn’t have to go to extreme lengths to hit that. He even made a tape while he was at it. That’s a smart bro, he knew where Kim’s talents lay and he worked with that. Like it or not he launched Kim into stardom in my opinion. What sucks is the way The Dream went on and on about making a hit track.  Now I have Paris Hilton’s "Stars are Blind" (which apparently is a very good song by the way) back in my playlist. Shame on you, The Dream.

Ryan Seacrest: (Supporters Club), If there’s anyone who works closely with Kim its probably this guy. Oh wait he works with a whole bunch of reality “stars” maybe that’s why Kim making music slipped under his radar. If I was cashing out heavily from Kim and her family shenanigans I would at least do all I can to protect the brand. you know, the whole sand in my garri and all.

Mama Kardarshian: (Manager), As kims manager she should have seen this coming. Or were you tricked into letting her go ahead with this failed project? (AKA obasanjo) I have always known her to be very exploiting of kim and the rest of the litter but seriously, she failed this time. What’s worse is I’m sure there would be an episode on “Keeping up with the Kardashians” where kim would play the song for the family and they would all nod and say “it’s perfect” “Grammy material” “wow” and all other jargon. I know we all have to support family, but once in a while the truth is not such a bad idea.

Finally

The Almighty Kanye West: (The Endorser) OK. This is what actually hurt the most. This is the same guy who acts so perfect and obviously has a good grasp on music. This is the same guy who made a fuss when Taylor Swift won an award he thought she didn’t deserve. The same guy who can have 13 diverse artistes on a song and it would sound so perfect and put together. So I don’t know what went wrong here? Why did you have anything to do with this junk? I hear you are making an appearance in the video? I am sure when time comes to shoot the video you would form busy..I hope.

Kim, Kim, Kim stick to whatever it is you do best. Tweeting for $10,000 a tweet, going under Dr Rey’s Knife, making sex tapes, posing for playboy, or whatever, Please do not go near a studio ever again. unless of course T.pain is making a reboot of "Sex in the Studio" We all F**K up sometimes so we would give you this one.

Still on the lookout for one positive thing about that song! Anybody?

8 Things Driving Me Nuts At The Moment

I know this is predominantly a music/entertainment blog, but please permit me to post this as i have had one hell of a shitty day.

Heres a list of a few things that drove me nuts today

 TV commercials: Growing up in Nigeria, there were no doubt commercials on TV. In a 30 minute show there would probably be about 5minutes or maybe 7 of commercials. On getting over here, it's like watching commercials with bits of TV in it. Imagine watching 15 minutes of commercials in a 30 minute show??

As I write this now I have watched 8 different commercials back to back.. No wait make that 9!!! Trust them to slot the commercials in at the peak of a suspenseful moment and you have to wait like 5 minutes to get back to the show only to watch 10 minutes and have another 5 minutes of commercials follow it.

Product Warnings: Here's how it works:  a commercial for something as simple as a pain reliever comes on, and they go "Alabukun is the best  headache and pain reliever for you it cures multiple symptoms and is  Available nationwide" notice that took just 9 or 10  seconds. Here’s what comes after that “Do not take alabukun if you have symptoms of malaria, alabukun has been known to cause liver damage. Heart attack rates have increased in patients who take alabukun. Contact your doctor if you notice stomach pains after taking it might be  a side effect and can lead to brain damage. In about 4 percent of users kidney damage has been noticed. Blot clots and blocked arteries can occur when you take alabukun for more than 2 days"... And so on and so on. This goes on for at least another 3 minutes. Now tell me why I wouldn't just die with the headache than all the other scary sickness I "might" get if I take said alabukun!

 

Drive through Banking: This is in arguably one of the dumbest ideas ever. Here's how it works you drive up to this Shute type things and someone in the office greets you and you say I want to withdraw some money. The person then sends you a withdrawal slip and a pen through the Shute. You reach out of your window and get the forms. You fill it out and include your ID into the Shute with the slip and send it back  

And sit and wait till your money is sent back down. It's important to note that the banks are mostly empty over here. They should come and see First bank in naija! Smh.. Why not just go in rather than burn your fuel in your car? We all know the exercise isn't a bad thing.

Choices/variety: I know having choices is really not a bad thing but I have realized that indeed too much of everything is not good. Why would I ask for cheese and you tell me “do I want American or cheddar or mozzarella or provolone or blah blah blah”. I actually took time to try all of them and they all taste the same. At least in my mouth. So what's the point? I say “I  want chicken wings” and they reply with “do you want lemon pepper, BBQ, buffalo and blah blah blah”. I say “BBQ”.  They reply with “do you want mild medium or hot”? All this while I am a second away from saying “can I just have some damn wings”?? I want coffee, “do you want Brazilian, Mexican, Colombian, Kenyan blah  blah blah”. Errrr coffee is coffee innit. I grew up knowing Nescafe. Simple. It was either that or nothing.

Hidden Charges and the Fine print: Before now, if I wanted anything like a phone, Or say cable. I just go to the shop and I say this is what I want, and they say this is how much it would cost and that was it. Maybe there was fine print but it's never hurt me. Lets be honest, how many of you actually read the fine print when you were signing your cable contract or even when filling out a bank application form? I'm sure you didn't. I did that here and I had myself to blame. I didn't know my Bill would go hit the roof after 3 months. So here I am, 3 months later with a significant bump in my bill and I call the customer service people and they say “oh it was in your contract you had some free channels but after 3 months you have to start paying”. I say “what”?? “Why didn't you tell me this”? The reply; “it was in your contract”.

You see a billboard that says GET $400 BACK AT WALMART WHEN YOU SPEND $100*

*subject to credit approval and only available to people from Guatemala

How am I supposed to read that tiny thing while I drive by? Am I supposed to park my car and get a ladder to read that? So I drive to the store only to find out I can’t get the $400 because I am not from Guatemala. Note that I only find this out after spending $100. Yet my country is the one with the scam stamp!

Including/Excluding tax: I go in a store I ask for a notebook. It says $2.54 including tax. In my head that means tax is already factored into the price right? Come to find out I have to pay tax at d cashier.  

So when you say excluding tax does it mean tax free? Why don't you just give me a fixed price on it and do away with the excluding or including tax. It's not like the price of oil fluctuating affects said tax! Or is the tax free price supposes to give me a false feeling of wealth so I get my hopes dashed when I get to the cashier?

Animal protection: OMG! I swear animals have more rights than humans over here. You see a flock of geese crossing the road you have to wait. What would be my excuse for being late to work? “it was the ducks boss, I swear”. A while back, there was this lady who had a cat always scratching on her door at night and she couldn’t sleep. This went on for weeks. One night she took the cat and dropped it in the garbage bin. Someone apparently caught the whole thing on tape and YouTube was the next bustop. Not like the cat died or anything. By the next day she got so many death threats, she had to have police protection for a couple of weeks! You see a really fat wild duck just strolling by on your property. Damn Duck stew would hit the spot right now. Try am naaa! You would blame yourself.

Do it yourself (DIY): Call me lazy but seriously I am fed up with all the DIY things over here. You buy a bed you have to put it together yourself. Your mailbox lock is bad you have to install new one yourself. You want to paint your house, d it yourself. Seriously I have seen people who fix their entire roofs by themselves.  People who re- tile their houses themselves. Just so you know I did try to get someone to fix the lock on my mailbox for me. When he told me it would cost $20 to fix a $6 lock? I smiled and said I would call back and went to work on my mail box right away. Whatever happened to going across the road to get mufu to come fix it for 100 naira? So here I am with 2 set of tools, a power drill and a whole library of DIY manuals.