SUPER BOWL XLV 2011

So it’s my first super bowl experience and it’s really something to watch. Americans sure know how to make a big deal out of everything.

 I have to take a take a trip to the store to get some "game day food" and men! it’s packed in here. People buying all sort of junk food. I am guessing there’s some law that says calories and fat don’t count on super bowl Sunday.

 There’s people buying enough soda and beer to feed the whole of china, It is estimated that more than 49.2 million cases of beer would be consumed by Americans. There are people buying that nasty looking Guacamole thing, and chips, chips, chips. Not to mention chicken wings and all sort of dipping sauces.. Americans!

Anyway, eventually I settle down to watch a game I know absolutely nothing about, with people who know so much about the game I am tempted to ask if they do anything else but chronicle the lives of young men clad in brightly colored tighte-tights

First thing that goes wrong is Christiana Aguilera singing the US national anthem and getting it all wrong.

I know you are about to ask how I know the anthem, well I don’t I’m just telling you what people said apparently she sang  "what so proudly we washed, at the twilight's last reaming" instead of the correct words, "o'er the ramparts we watched, were so gallantly streaming."

The Game begins and I am doing my best to cheer at the right time and act pissed when I ought to, and also trying not to support the wrong team (can someone please tell me what I am doing here?). Finally my prayer is answered and its half time the Green and yellow people are ahead with 21 points/goals/scores/basket while the white people have just 10 points.

Half time rocks! I am expecting a superb show from the Black Eyed peas and Usher. At least they wouldn’t mess their own songs up. Little did I know that’s wrong wordings would be the least of my problems. Black eyed peas start off with “I gotta feeling” as expected and its way way below par.

They move on to Boom Boom pow and it just makes me realize how watery this platinum selling group’s lyrics are. Like seriously what is boom boom pow? To make matters worse fergie sounded like she had a dead frog in her windpipe and she had swallowed some broken glass to help force it down. All I can do is stare with my mouth wide open. Folks it gets worse; she decides to do a duet type thing with Slash (former Guns n Roses guitarist) and it sounded like the frog was chocking on the broken glass whilst passing gas at the same time.

After what seemed like eternity, the group is back with “let’s get it started” followed by “pump it up” and believe me when I say it was all a pain to watch that includes the futuristic looking people doing some weird choreography and will-i-am’s hair and shine shine cloth

By the time usher comes on to perform “OMG” with will-i-am, I am all but done. What’s with all the dated dance steps usher? geez! He even did that spin around thing from “my Boo” with Alicia keys!

When usher was done spinning, (sorry biebians, no Justin bieber today. Wait till Feb. 13^th), they perform “where is the love” and some random song I don’t even know. I look around me and everyone is either getting a beer or taking a leak so there’s no one to share my grievances with. (I got you guys so no worries).

The game resumes after the torturous performances and I am falling asleep. Don’t get me wrong I love a good game but seriously, why are they celebrating after they fall down? And why don’t they kick the ball as much as possible? I mean its FOOTball innit? And how do they score this thing? One time its 3 points/goals/baskets, the next time its 6!

Finally the game ends and I am busy writing this post already, all around me people are celebrating and as I no wan carry last, I join in, all the while trying to figure out who won. For all I know the team with the lowest number might turn out the winner.

To be honest, the whole experience sucked, I didn’t even get to see any nipple/wardrobe malfunction. Not to mention the fact that the Guacamole is starting to make my stomach feel funny or is it the smell of this oyibo beside me? smh

Oh lest I forget the Green and yellow people won.

But why is there purple confetti?